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You are watching: Why don t you have a boyfriend answers

You’ve tried everything to uncover a boyfriend. Date apps. Single bars. Blind dates.

Yet, you’re tho no closer to finding a guy to work out down with. You have actually no idea why.

After all, you’re a genuinely nice and also attractive girl.

So why can’t you uncover a boyfriend?

What is it about you that is leading to no man to commit to a relationship with you?

That’s what ns hope I have the right to answer because that you in this article.

You see, I’m a woman myself, and also I’m no afraid to recognize that ns was solitary for 10 god damn years prior to I struggle 30. (You have the right to read an ext about mine story here)

There were miscellaneous (albeit complex reasons) ns was perpetually single, but now that ns look ago (I’m 35 now and happily married) several of those reasons weren’t therefore obvious.

Before we start, it’s likewise important to realize the being solitary doesn’t median there is something wrong with you, or men don’t prefer you for that you are.

In fact, it’s an ext likely to it is in an attitude thing that is that your very own making. The was certainly the situation for me.

The great news?

Once you can identify why girlfriend can’t find a boyfriend, climate you can work on rectifying it.

So here we go.

Here space 19 factors that can define why you might be a small unlucky in love (and after that, I’ll provide you 9 advice to help you discover a boyfriend).

1. You nothing actually desire a boyfriend.

Many single women complain about wanting a boyfriend even if castle seem to be enjoying themselves together they relocate up in your career, travel with friends, or take treatment of pets.

If this is you, girlfriend really have to question in ~ some point whether or not you genuinely desire to have a boyfriend.

For part people, they’re trying to find a guy due to the fact that they are lonely or they are experiencing societal pressures and don’t desire to miss out on out.

After all, as soon as you cave out with married friend or view engagement picture on on facebook all the time, girlfriend might start to feel a small conscious around your own single life.

This is a normal, global experience however at the end of the day, you could not actually want to open up up come a new person and become delicate with them.

Ask you yourself if girlfriend really desire a boyfriend so badly the you are willing to put in the time and also effort the takes to maintain a partnership with someone new.

And if your life is currently fulfilling, girlfriend should also ask you yourself if you require a friend at all.

2. You have high standards

Growing up, her experiences could have developed a voice in her head the is constantly looking because that perfection.

Whether it’s since you had overly vital parents or because culture and media repaint an unrealistic picture of what love watch like, you can not be willing to work out for anything much less than her dream man.

Standards are usually a an excellent thing but if girlfriend uphold them also closely, they might be unrealistic barriers between you and also someone great.

Even if you uncover someone interesting and kind, you might break it off through them since they didn’t satisfy all the criteria that your appropriate partner.

Eventually, girlfriend may even convince yourself the the right person for you doesn’t exist in ~ all.

You don’t have to let go of all her standards, particularly if you’re trying to find someone with details values or great qualities due to the fact that standards aid you prevent someone completely wrong.

However, you have to recognize when you’re unfairly limiting someone since they don’t fit your expectations based upon how high they are, how they dress, or exactly how much money castle make.

Allow you yourself to look for romance in new places and also find great, imperfect civilization you can not use met yet.

Even if miscellaneous doesn’t work-related out romantically, you may open doors to brand new friendships, connections, or opportunities that are great for you.

3. You don’t know exactly how to get into the date scene

When make the efforts to obtain into the date scene, plenty of women make among these 2 mistakes:

The an initial is that you go about bars and clubs, hope to meet someone there. However, the odds of conference someone of quality while bar-hopping at midnight is quite low.

The 2nd mistake is the although girlfriend really desire a boyfriend, girlfriend would fairly stay in ~ home and also watch Netflix on Friday nights.

You hardly ever accept social invitations and are wake up to leave her comfort zone.

And once you perform go out, friend can’t normally tell you when a guy is flirting or just being nice.

If girlfriend can’t discover a potential boyfriend wherein you usually look, it may be time to try finding one elsewhere.

The an essential to detect a boyfriend is getting to know people and knowing people means going to proper places.

You have to say correctly to brand-new opportunities, strike up conversations, and also take initiative.

Try joining more activities with like-minded people; visit your gym regularly, sign-up for a society or a volunteer group, and also agree to go on blind dates every when in a while.

You might not uncover who she looking for however you’re certain to leaving with new friends — that may know someone great.

4. You haven’t tried dating apps

A social shift taken place in the dating scene when technology became involved. Date apps and also sites have actually garnered a bad reputation for promoting hookups and also cheating.

On the flip side, some human being do find great matches ~ above them and the relationships lead to a better commitment like marriage.

Dating apps room effective since you come across method more human being that girlfriend ordinarily would not accomplish in real life or find much more guys who share her interests.

The trick to acquiring the most out of a dating application experience is to have fun with it.

Avoid putting an unfair expectation ~ above someone and also look in ~ the app as a method to meet with new, amazing people.

As a bonus, think of each date as an opportunity to visit a trendy ar or eat a great meal.

This way, you would have done other you delighted in without regretting the moment you invested if your day turned out to be a not-so-great guy.

5. You’re simply waiting approximately for someone to come along

It is a sad fact of life the boyfriends execute not autumn from the sky, all set to take it you out on a date when you require one.

If she waiting roughly for the perfect human being to come along and also sweep friend off her feet, you’re bound to it is in disappointed due to the fact that you’ll be waiting for fairly a while.

Relationships require a many time, effort, and also acceptance.

You need to invest time and effort in gaining to understand someone sufficient so you deserve to work on structure your link to every other.

You also have to expropriate the person for who they are, warts and all — uneven they are toxic or abusive, the course.

If you really desire to be with somebody, protect against waiting around aimlessly.

Be an ext purposeful in widening your horizons through cultivating hobbies, concentrating on working, or experimenting your city.

This will help you fulfill someone follow me the way and if not, friend don’t shed anything due to the fact that you’ll end up being a much more knowledgeable, balanced person after.

6. You don’t know what men want

Perhaps you have been dating some guys, but for part reason, the relationship never seems come stick.

They pull away from you prior to you gain a chance to express to them just how you really feel.

That’s exactly what occurred to me.

I had flings with plenty of guys, but all also often, that lasted because that a few dates and nothing more.

It was frustrating. But now that ns look back, the factor was simple:

I didn’t understand what guys want.

Look, the fact is, I’m an elevation woman. And to part men, ns come across as rather an intimidating and solid personality.

But this have the right to sometimes turn males off once they establish I have my own life ~ above lock.

And this every made sense when I read about a new psychology theory dubbed “hero instinct”.

Simply put, men want to be her hero. It’s a biological drive to feeling needed, to feel important, and to carry out for the woman he care about. And it’s a desire that goes past even love or sex.

The kicker is the if friend don’t create this instinct in him, that will remain lukewarm towards you and also eventually look for out someone that does.

And perhaps due to the fact that I to be intimidating to some men, castle weren’t attracted to me due to the fact that I was never going to trigger this biological instinct.

Now I’m not saying the you have to be more passive and lose your solid woman qualities. No at all.

But by understanding this concept, you have the right to understand what renders a man tick and also you can use that to your benefit while fully keeping her authenicity and strong personality.

The hero instinct is a legitimate ide in psychology that ns personally believe has a many of reality to it.

Let’s face it: Men and also women room different. So, trying to treat your guy like one of your girlfriend is no going to work.

Deep inside, us crave various things…

Just prefer women generally have the urge to nurture those castle really treatment about, men have actually the urge to carry out and protect.

How do you trigger this instinct? and give the this feeling of definition and purpose?

If you want to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this totally free video by relationship psychologist James Bauer. He is the one who first popularized this concept. And also in this video, he offers several unique tips because that triggering the hero instinct in your man.

Here’s a link to the video clip again.

Some concepts are life-changing. And also when it concerns relationships, i think this is one of them.

7. You’re as well invested in an old relationship

When you enter a relationship with someone, friend either break up or critical forever. The break-up outcome is difficult for many human being to handle emotionally.

Even though some say that time heals all wounds, her past have the right to bleed into current (and also future) relationship if friend don’t actively work to procedure and let go of the baggage.

Maybe you realize you’re no actually over your ex-boyfriend and also you discover yourself to compare a potential new guy come them all the time.

Or perhaps the suffer with your ex left you to adopt an unfavorable beliefs around yourself or about love that lead you come unintentionally self-sabotage.

If this trouble is happening to you, that time to lug up all your unresolved worries to the surface and also look in ~ them through an objective lens.

Try to recognize your old wounds and also look earlier to check out if you might have unconsciously picked up a faulty belief about yourself.

Take the time to correct them and also learn indigenous them since it will certainly pay off in the long run.

Recommended readingHow to obtain over someone: 17 no bullsh*t tips

8. You no emotionally available.

If you were traumatized sometime in her life or during an previously relationship, it would be an overwhelming to navigate a romantic relationship.

Your capacity to love and also trust may be hindered if your trauma was no addressed in a compassionate way.

You might find you yourself suspicious or i can not qualify of trusting the brand-new people who enter your life.

You might be repeating traumatic fads — coincidentally or on function — due to the fact that you feel choose you’re stuck in a dysfunctional cycle, so friend don’t bother trying.

This might lead to unhealthy dynamics that turn each relationship into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Before girlfriend embark top top a new relationship, you must untangle the harmful thought processes which reason you to drive world away.

The ideal thing you have the right to do is to remind yourself the each prospective friend is not the same person as the last.

They have various histories and also life experiences which lug the valuable, unique attributes you can love and appreciate.

9. Friend seem unapproachable.

You could not establish it yet you might be unconsciously pushing civilization away.

Even despite you don’t intend to come throughout as unapproachable, her body language and non-verbal communication an abilities may be giving your potential suitors the you’re haughty or uninterested.

Some indications that you might look standoffish include:

Avoiding eye contactForgetting come smileNever looking up from your phoneUsing an adverse or pessimistic language

If this is you, it’s time to job-related on exactly how you existing yourself to the world.

People room attracted to other people who are naturally charismatic or positive.

They desire to converse with world who are responsive and engaging, plus they’re an ext comfortable about people who have vulnerabilities — as with them.

Get right into the habit of uncrossing your arms and also putting on a smile.

When a man you desire to know better is talk to you, meet their eyes and also react come what they speak so they recognize that she interested in the conversation and in them.

It’s far simpler to ask someone out on a day if they space likeable, ~ all.

Recommended reading: “Why carry out I push civilization away?”19 factors (and just how to stop)

10. You feel the you’re undeserving.

Self-worth and also self-esteem space interesting principles that have actually a surprising impact on our dating lives.

One research has discovered that human being tend to date world who they think room close to their own perceived level of income, attractiveness, and also education.

Let’s to speak you think she unattractive. Whenever who compliments your appearance, girlfriend dismiss them.

On the other hand, if someone states something an unfavorable about the method you look, you usage their comment to fuel your initial belief.

All the those an unfavorable comments feed into your self perception and bring increase feelings the inadequacy.

You may finish up reasoning you’re undeserving of romantic or you become perpetually attracted towards other people with short self-esteem.

This could spiral right into a vicious bike of rejection and the id that you’re unworthy.

The trick come overcoming this difficulty is to readjust your system and learn to treat yourself kindly.

Appreciate what you need to offer the world and keep monitor of the good things that accumulate your gratitude.

Recommended readingHow to love yourself: 16 actions to believing in yourself again

11. You’re as well busy working on yourself

Often, women ask us what sort of guy they want to date. However, you might be lacking a an ext important question: “Do you want to day yourself?”

If your answer is no, then perhaps you don’t have actually a boyfriend because you’re tho in the process of coming to be girlfriend-material.

The dominance of ignorance is the if you desire a particular kind of guy, you need to become a specific kind of girl in order to lure them.

You have to work towards coming to be your ideal self prior to you uncover the ideal partner for you.

By discovering to come to be the really best variation of yourself, you’ll attract in someone that is working tough to improve and grow together well.

12. You want someone who doesn’t want you

Suppose you space interested in a guy who doesn’t want to have a connection with you.

Maybe that is taken or single but emotionally unavailable.

Maybe he is too busy to think about his love life or he’s merely not interested in you.

You have two options: wait for them to come roughly (which could take forever) or do something to relocate on.

When you walk for the an initial option, you execute yourself a disservice since you’re wasting your precious time and also energy pining after someone who can’t appreciate you.

The 2nd option is hard yet it’s the healthier decision because that you and that person, who may feel burdened by her affection due to the fact that he can’t reciprocate it.

You can overcome your feelings through minimizing contact with him and also slowly processing the reality of the situation.

By acknowledging your feelings and also his feelings, girlfriend can slowly move on and hopefully open up yourself up to other sources of love.

13. You haven’t asked because that help

Unbeknownst to you, you could have civilization dying to collection you up on a remote date.

Maybe her friends are worn down of hearing friend complain around being solitary or a family member that knows who who can suit you.

In any case, friend only need to ask for help and girlfriend shall receive.

There is no harm in asking because the human being in her life know different civilization than girlfriend do. They may have actually acquaintances or relationships who you wouldn’t mind meeting.

Or possibly you require another kind of help, like polishing your social an abilities for dates.

Friends who room married or date might have the ability to give you pointers on how to meet, flirt, and talk to guys.

There are plenty of points you deserve to learn from more experienced (and successful) friends.

Of course, even if the people approximately you have an excellent intentions, they could not totally understand her situation.

They could likewise be illustration from a view that’s different from yours.

Listen to their advice however make decisions based on your very own instincts and judgment, since no one knows you better than you know yourself.

14. Girlfriend come on also strong

There is nothing more unattractive to men than someone that is needy for love and attention.

Even if you might be doing or speak desperate points unknowingly, men can sense it and also feel one unwanted press towards commitment.

Insecurity and need for consistent reassurance can come from many places so if friend haven’t functioned on those issues yet, jumping into a relationship can harm girlfriend further.

You may experience rejection and also feel continuous devalued if you date guys to fill up a void within you.

A man also wouldn’t want to it is in in a place where you’re simply dating him because you require him come feel better about yourself.

Both people in a relationship must be there because they see and appreciate their partner for who they are.

Recommended readingHow to protect against being clingy in a relationship: 22 no bullsh*t tips

15. You’re not great at communicating

Communication is an essential part the dating since you will should negotiate and compromise every throughout the relationship.

There will certainly be debates that need resolution and misunderstandings that will need to be cleared up.

Unfortunately, if you’re no a good communicator to start with, it can be tough to obtain a boyfriend at all.

It may be because you can’t seem come say what friend want straight or you’re coming off as well aggressive and it’s transforming guys far from you.

Balancing the method you communicate may be the systems you need. You deserve to practice much better communication v your friends and also loved ones.

Try come ask them where you could do much better and work on boosting your communication skills from there.

16. You’re encountering too much pressure

The push to find a partner reaches that peak once your organic clock is ticking.

You’ll know when this happens because your family will constantly ask you if you’re see anyone and all her friends are in relationships.

All this outside pressure just drives you frantic, do the efforts to neglect the feel of fear, hopelessness, or also shame. And this pressure deserve to actually paralysis you native finding someone.

However, you require to understand that these reactions belong to the press itself and not to you.

Examine your thoughts in relationship to this pressure: execute you feel like you’re much less of a person since you haven’t uncovered a boyfriend?

Are friend only looking for a boyfriend since everyone is indirectly telling you that you need one?

Once you’ve found your answers, repeat them come yourself as soon as you feel overwhelmed.

It’s always great to repeat yourself that you room a finish human being who is lovable, whether or not you’re dating someone.

17. Girlfriend aren’t calm enough

Guys space usually more attracted to outgoing, confident girls but so if you appear too shy, awkward, or nervous, he could lose interest.

Learning exactly how to relax as soon as you meet brand-new people is the an essential to letting them know the genuine you.

Here room some tips you can shot out as soon as you desire to be much more relaxed around strangers:

– emphasis on the topic in ~ hand: instead of picking at your nails and also wondering what other people roughly the table think of you, hear intently to what they’re talking about. Not just will this odor you from gift self-conscious, yet you’ll likewise remember the conversation far better and carry it up the following time you satisfy them.

– Remember the they don’t have to like you: Confident civilization can act the means they do since they nothing really care what other civilization think the them. They space assured of who they room so they no desperate because that other civilization to choose them. If you’re constantly thinking that other civilization are evaluate you, call yourself the it’s okay since they aren’t required to favor you. Friend can entirely do your own thing.

– Be more honest: A little bit the honesty never ever hurt anyone. Being much more honest around yourself helps people see the you’re sincere in do the efforts to recognize them because you’re enabling yourself to it is in vulnerable. And also being authentic can really assist in developing a coherent connection through the various other person.

18. You don’t know just how to flirt

Flirting can absolutely be one impediment come dating, specifically if you’ve never flirted before. It’s not a skill anyone can conveniently practice so the poses obstacles once you have actually to try it.

Essentially, flirting is exactly how you not-so-subtly convey her interest towards someone.

If you have never learned just how to flirt before, guys might not know you’re interested in them and also that might be the reason why you don’t have a boyfriend.

When you have the time, read more about means to flirt and practice the — whether by you yourself or v a friend.

You deserve to simply shot out what you want to say and laugh it off if the feels a tiny silly. At the very least then, you’d have actually a an excellent idea on exactly how to act when the chance presents itself.

Recommended reading: How to flirt prefer a pro: 27 tremendous tips

19. The time is bad

What if girlfriend have every little thing under control, indigenous a an excellent self-esteem to a dating background that didn’t impact you negatively, however still you’re wait for an opportunity to manifest?

What if you’re a good catch now however nothing appears to align for you?

Timing is a frustrating matter due to the fact that it’s one of the couple of things the is the end of her hands at this point.

Maybe you’ve in reality met someone good already but nothing romantic has functioned itself out yet.

Or no matter exactly how much you want a boyfriend, there’s no sign of one coming along anywhere.

The challenge is to exercise patience. Patience doesn’t typical sitting approximately nor go it average throwing yourself at anyone who reflects some attention in you.

In this situation, being patient simply method you’re okay with singlehood because that now and also you’re doing points you enjoy.

With this perspective, friend still live out a fulfilling existence even without a partner and also you may uncover that she comfortable through being solitary after all.

How to find a boyfriend

Life doesn’t constantly give girlfriend what friend want, yet if you focus your energy and also follow the tips above then finding a boyfriend becomes a much closer possibility.

With this sort of can-do mindset I wanted to additionally write under this 9 action “pre-boyfriend checklist.” These are 9 action-oriented tips I have for obtaining a high-quality friend as shortly as possible.

Think the this as a “pre-flight” checklist.

1. Grasp the art of flying solo

As lot as it could be a cliche, before finding a great boyfriend it is in a an excellent partner come yourself.

Being truly content being alone and making the ideal use of her time solo will prep you for the kind of male who is act the same.

Learning come “get right into flow” the right means will also go a long method to making friend a prime candidate for romance.

As you construct your own passions, you’ll find that love starts coming her way.

You will be ready for a relationship when you have love and also stability to offer from your own overflowing reserve of proactive energy and also enthusiasm.

2. Destruction deeper


When you’ve been alone – particularly for a if – it have the right to be simple to be swayed by hormones.

You view a an excellent looking hunk and also you’re prepared to follow him come the ends of the earth.

But if you want to it is in really prepared for a high-quality boyfriend you need to dig deeper.

This deserve to sometimes mean putting off short-lived pleasure in stimulate to discover a permanent purpose.

A roll in the hay is nothing compared to year of partnership, and also as you start honing in ~ above the deeper connection you’re trying to find you’ll also attract the type of man who’s looking for something more as well.

Recommended reading: 207 questions to asking a male that will lug you lot closer

3. Flex her patience muscles

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers clearly get it. The so late legend wasn’t just an tremendous guitarist and also vocalist, the was likewise a at sight talented songwriter.

Their 1981 track “the Waiting” talks around the challenge of patience however how it pays off once you accomplish someone girlfriend really want to it is in with:

“The wait is the hardest part

Every work you get one an ext yard

You take it ~ above faith, you take it to the heart

The waiting is the hardest part

Well yeah i might have chased a couple women around

All it ever got me was down

Then there to be those the made me feel good

But never ever as good as I’m feeling right now

Baby you’re the only one that’s ever before known how

To make me wanna live like I wanna live now.”

That’s it ideal there, directly from Petty. Waiting deserve to be a actual drag, but when you meet the right human you’ll establish it was every worth it.

4. Know what you want

One that the most necessary things to remember for exactly how to uncover a boyfriend is discovering what girlfriend want. It’s every too straightforward to imagine one idealized male out there who’s walking to it is in perfect for us however then uncover out that in reality, he’s in reality an stroked nerves jerk.

Physical attraction is certainly important, however think on a deeper level of finding a boyfriend that will really “get” you and also who you, likewise, will certainly really “get.”

There’s no have to be a perfectionist, yet it’s also fine to have actually a fairly specific idea of the type of man you’re feather for. If you finish up meeting and also falling for a guy who’s the precise opposite at least you’ll be getting a pleasant surprise, for this reason there’s really nothing come lose.

Recommended reading: What to look for in a guy: 25 good qualities in a man

5. End up being a society Suzy

These job it deserve to be tempting to simply stick your challenge in your phone and also tune out.

It seems like everyone else is doing it anyway, right?

In many cases, it is honestly true, but fifty percent the time castle thinking comparable things come you: what the hell does a guy have to do to obtain a girl in this town?

They’re wondering just how to strike up a conversation, however they don’t want to come turn off awkward or choose some type of desperate creep.

This is wherein I extremely advise coming to be a social Suzy – whether your name is Suzy or not you deserve to still do it. Conversation to strangers and also people behind the save counter. Questioning someone just how their day is. Say great morning to the bus driver.

Try the out.

One the those males might end up being your boyfriend in a month or two. He can have just been wait for someone to cracked his hardened shell with a straightforward “hello.”

6. Seek out like-minded clubs and groups


While some world will urge you to start downloading the apps, joining the sites, and making friend online with social media, ns a little more old-fashioned.

I think that the connections we make in our day-to-day life are more likely to blossom into real and lasting romantic that’s good for us.

I encourage you to look for our clubs and also groups the reflect her interests and passions even if it is it’s a chess club, volleyball, hiking group, or a place for those who share your political or spiritual beliefs.

It deserve to be true that opposites attract, however it’s additionally true the finding someone with common interests that you can really talk to and enjoy safety time through is a lot much more likely if you invest time in places that you’re already interested in.

7. The power of networking

The power of networking must never it is in underestimated. Together you open yourself to the possibility of a boyfriend, take it a close watch at her friends.

They can frequently be the best ones to introduce you come someone you’d hit it turn off with.

Friends and family are the persons who know us best, and sometimes their opinions and also introductions deserve to be the best method to meet a friend you’ll actually like and want to it is in with.

It might seem like you already know everyone connected to her friend circle or family, yet then sooner or later you fulfill your friend Kyle’s cousin Adam who over for Thanksgiving weekend and things are never the very same again.


8. Discover your best look

Like ns wrote, looks yes, really shouldn’t be the emphasis of detect a boyfriend. Yet at the very same time, it’s 100% normal to desire a man you’re attracted to and also find hot.

The same goes for him.

For this reason, ns recommend occurring your own personal style the highlights her beauty and good features and presents the kind of image you desire of yourself in the world.

This have the right to include picking colors, styles, fabrics, hairstyles, and accessories the accent your in its entirety appearance and will entice the type of man you space looking for.

Recommended reading: How to be sexy: everything you need to recognize to look and feel attractive

9. Volunteer


Much prefer joining clubs and groups the share your interests, volunteering bring you into call with human being who care around what you treatment about.

Whether it’s helping the end in the soup kitchen or walking to assist build colleges in south America, you will have actually incredible life experiences while also making close friendships and potentially detect romance.

There’s nothing the brings people together favor serving together volunteers and making deep relations in the midst of that.

Wrapping up

Following the over “pre-flight” checklist won’t do a boyfriend arrive at your door choose a brand-new Amazon gift box.

But the will relocate you a many closer. And also it will additionally make your life far better overall.

See more: How Many 30 Seconds In An Inch /1/30 Second To Inch/Second, Measuring To The 1/32 Of An Inch

Just remember the your self-worth and future is never figured out by someone rather or by having a partner.